News
City Hall Gridlocked over name change
A proposed resolution to rename the City of Dallas to an emoji failed to advance Thursday night after city council members spent nine hours arguing over which tiny digital face best represented the city’s ongoing relationship with Cowboys disappointment.
Dallas Announces Return to Dial-Up Internet in Desperate Attempt to “Recapture Championship Energy”
“Look, when things stop working, sometimes you gotta go back to what did work,” said one city spokesperson while attempting to load a sports website on a beige desktop computer. “The Cowboys won Super Bowls during the dial-up era. Coincidence? We’re not willing to risk it.”
BREAKING: Eagles Reportedly Trade AJ Brown for “Two Klondike Bars and a Slice of Cake”
League insiders claim Howie Roseman finally reached his breaking point after another offseason of cryptic social media posts, sideline frustration, and what one anonymous front office employee described as “Hall of Fame level diva energy.”
BREAKING: LGBTQ+ Groups File Lawsuit Against Eagles Fans Over “Cowboys Fan” Usage
PHILADELPHIA, PA — In a legal filing that experts are already calling “the pettiest civil rights case in NFC East history,” several LGBTQ+ advocacy groups announced Tuesday that they are seeking an emergency injunction against Philadelphia Eagles fans for what they describe as the “reckless and inaccurate” use of the...